How to draw closer to your mother-in-law

"You don't have to be alike to like each other."

One afternoon I came across a list of my mother-in-law labeled, "Things to do when I get back to the States." Underneath phrases like "check the mail" and "call Mike and Sharon," I carefully penciled in the words, "send Shawnee chocolate chip cookies," just to do something unexpected to make her laugh. She did laugh, and returned the favor with her own jokes over the next several days.

As I learned during my two weeks in Central America, throwing aside your culturally built-in fear of your mother-in-law is only as difficult as you make it. So how can you take the first step toward finding the friend in your mother-in-law?

Make Contact!


Communication:

It's key to any friendship—but especially with the one woman in the world who loves your husband as much as you do. After investing 18 years or more of her life in this man, she's unprepared for him to "disappear" into the world you two create. So the simple act of keeping your mother-in-law informed on the happenings of your daily life with her son will draw her to you like nothing else.


Give Peace a Chance

Laurie spent several hours one afternoon telling me how much her mother-in-law disliked her, and how much she wished they could get along. Speaking with the older woman a few days later, I heard almost the exact same story. "Laurie doesn't like me, and I don't think she ever will," Evelyn moaned as she stirred her coffee, "but I'd give anything if we could just be friends." The unrest between the two women has gone on for years, but neither's willing to take the risks involved in mending the relationship.

Wanting to be liked is a basic human instinct—so instead of assuming the worst, think of your relationship with your mother-in-law as a friendship waiting to be built rather than a wall needing to be torn down.

Let God Be the Glue

"The basis of our friendship is our shared Christian faith," says Gayle Gresham, a writer in Colorado. "I start many of our conversations with, 'I have a theological question for you … ' and we both know we're about to have an interesting, enlightening conversation."

By building their relationship on the One who never changes, both women have a solid meeting ground. As the younger Christian, Gayle has learned to lean on her mother-in-law for spiritual support. "Helene's been my mentor since the beginning of my marriage. She's answered my questions and helped me grow in my faith."

Not every woman's blessed with the gift of a Christian mother-in-law, however. If your mother-in-law isn't yet a Christian, pray for her and continue your efforts to share Christ's love with her.